Failure........or perhaps not

Yes, I've been a bad, bad blogger but I promise there will a proper update later this week.  I just had to come in write about today's run......it was gonna be almost immediately but kinda got waylaid, lol so a little bit of the initial rush has worn off.  First off I've had a bit of a tough week driving wise with the all the holiday traffic and such plus I might've pushed a bit on getting home last night.......actually I pulled in the drive right at 1:55am this morning then didn't get myself into bed until after 3am, woke up at approx 7:30 then lolled about in bed until after 10 am.  Thoroughly enjoyed it too (huge grin).

My problem was that I had a 7 mile run on the schedule that should have been run on Thursday (my new long run day) and I had extremely fatigued legs.  I honestly thought I'd be lucky to eke out 2 miles before calling it quits.....but then the thought of some possible heckling spurred me to keep going.  And as is the usual case I eased into a rolling rhythm that was slightly slower than my other runs lately, just a nice easy sub 10 minute pace........right up to around the 2 mile point........new home constructions are a welcome sight because they = portapotties!!!  Since it's Christmas day, most places are closed so these were greatly appreciated, haha!

Nature call taken care of, its back to the zoning out of my "long" run......again fatigued legs, slower pace but I start thinking about running up what the locals call either Backbone Ridge or Hitler Hill (called so because it goes up at the angle of that hateful salute)........I'm tired, legs are shot, and I keep thinking "run up it, you're not going to make it, but run up it anyway".  This is going through my mind on an endless loop and I honestly thought I was setting myself up for failure.........Not to mention that the light rain has turned into light sleet (eventually turned into light snow) and it's actually getting colder as I run......so 5.25 miles and I'm at the crossroads, turn left and head towards home, doing a 1 and 3/4 mile tour of the neighborhood to get my 7 miles or turn right and head towards that blasted hill....

I turn right.........how stupid am I? I'm exhausted and my legs are seriously grumbling at me to quit, I'm struggling to get up the incline to get to the road for that hill and I'm telling myself, you're not gonna make, you're not gonna make it.  What kind of idiot sets themselves up for failure like that??????  Reach the top of the "little" incline and again it's turn left or turn around......  I turn left, then right and start up that bitch, still thinking I'm gonna have to stop half-way up.......

But then after a few yards up it, I start thinking, why, why, why would I set out to run up that KNOWING I couldn't make it up and immediately switched to this hill is gonna be MY bitch.  Head up, look at the apex and just keep moving. Failure was not an option today......so yeah, lungs burning, legs screaming I ran up that sunovabitch hill all the way.........Lol, ok, ok, to the casual observer I was prolly at a snail's pace but I DID NOT WALK A SINGLE STEP.  Job done.

Problem was I still had approx. 1.5 miles to get my dumbass back home, lol.  Felt like I was slogging the entire distance too......but y'know what, my 7 miles got done and I didn't fail.

Today's stats
Mile 1 9:08
mile 2 9:14
mile 3 9:00
mile 4 9:05
mile 5 9:18
mile 6 9:50 (going up that hill)
mile 7 9:19
mile 7-7.17 9:15

Backbone Ridge by the way is .2 mile, 150 feet long at an 11% grade according to an accountant/cycling training partner friend of mine for the curious amongst my readers.

New earworm: Awolnation

Its been a while since I did a desert island pick so thought I would share a band that's responsible for my latest earworm--Awolnation.

Adoring "Sail" but you need to check out their YouTube channel--great music & cheesy sci-fi, how could I not love this band?

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/SLisC9F2ncc?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/eYz_e4vuixQ?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Sorry writing this post via my phone, you'll have to cut & paste the links until I can fix it on my notebook--now updated with the embed codes

Rambling on

An update is a bit overdue I guess.  First off I'd like to say thank you to everyone for their comments here, on twitter, and those i know in real life  The amount of support has been simply amazing and  I've found myself overwhelmed by all the kindness and non-judgementalness (I don't think that's a real word, lol).  THANK YOU

I have kind of let time slip by me, not getting things done except in short frenzied bursts.  ATT is frustrating the heck out of me but I finally have everything sorted. Mobile phone bills are separated and the dsl & wireless modem are ordered so hopefully I can get that installed for James next weekend.  

Work....well I'm having a difficult time adjusting to the schedule change. And yes this was requested by me so I can't complain but y'all know I will anyways.  Friday night I was driving by all the 1/2 empty fuel stops and for the life of me couldn't figure out WHY there were parking spots available at some of them when it finally hit home that it wasn't Monday. D'oh!!!! 

Today finds me chasing the logbook because I'm bumping right against the 70 hour rule, grrr. 6.75 hours available to work today, 6 tomorrow. Enough to get me home but to get a 34 hour restart there I have to get up at midnight tonight.  Totally throws my body clock out of sync but it's either that or take my 34 hours at Laredo.  

So there's my whinging for the day, I'm headed for Hillsboro so will have some wifi at Starbucks to do another blog post with pictures--if I can find a parking spot that is.  Ohhhhh, that reminds me, I've lost my unlimited data plan on my iPhone due to the switching of accounts, grrrrrrrr.

Life & just a few of the things that kill

Complacency. Anger. Resentment. Obstinancy. Just a few of the things that can kill a relationship over time.

As a handful of you already know, James & I are separated...I've debated quite a while on writing this post because quite honestly it will not put me in the best of lights.  It does need to be done though.  

James and I have been together almost 23 years and many will question my decision to leave him since we were friends and did have love for each other.  He for the most part (99.9%) has provided me with some of the best support a person could have.  He taught me most of what I can do now, drive a truck, ride a motorcycle, pedal a bicycle, even to start this blog a few years back.  He has been my biggest cheerleader over the years.  

However I've not been happy for quite a while.....we seemed to have gotten to the point where nothing was separate, our own little place to escape to and while I'm not sure that James needed or wanted that, I did and do.  Quite a bit of this comes from my childhood & teen years....my family is definitely not what a loving & nurturing environment should have been.  As a result I tend to retreat into myself entirely too much and/or lash out in not so nice ways, again usually toward myself but not always.  That sounds like an excuse and I'm not sure  I want to delve into my psyche so deep on this blog.  However that experience has left me wondering if I'm just not wired right to be in a relationship with anybody.

This brings me to now....we were on our way to a very amicable separation but my feelings of being smothered and overwhelmed manifested themselves into a bit of self-destructiveness as is my want.....Not even going to try and explain what went down other than to say that instead of elaborating on what was a flippant reply, I ended up pushing on and saying things that were hurtful and untrue just because I was feeling trapped and resentful when all it would've taken was a moment to explain what I really thought & meant.  This ended up turning into a very long evening where we caused each other a considerable amount of pain with both of us doing things we shouldn't have.  So there you have it....how to turn an amicable, friendly separation into one of lots of hurt.

Right, an update then

Last week started off a bit stressful, Sunday there were a lot of storms moving through the central Arkansas/Tennessee area........High winds, heavy rains, usual fall weather for the area but still doesn't make dodging the cars any easier.  There was one that spun out and hit a wall, and blocked off 2.5 lanes just a few seconds ahead of me as I was entering the Nashville area, sigh.......

Then there was a huge twitter rant that I went on about one of our company drivers on Tuesday night.  Actually there were two of the drivers that hadn't been into Penske before, the first one was great.  He parked at the stop signs in the drive like you're supposed to then walked his paperwork up to the security guard to find out the proper checking in procedure.  Very polite and professional.  Then while I and another driver were getting checked in and the trailers inspected the obnoxious driver shows up.  He stops at the stop signs but instead of staying there and walking up or asking how it works there, he then goes on to pull up behind the 2 of us already there and blocks off the entire drive so that those who don't have to get inspected can't get through.  Guard asks him politely to back up and the guy half-ass does so, still blocking off most of the drive then proceeds to curse out the guard.  Security then tells him he'll have to come back in the morning with acting that way and the jerk comes up to me ranting and raving about how he's calling dispatch and this is b.s., blah, blah, blah.  No sympathy from me, he was a jackass and they totally should have asked him to leave.  This crap makes the rest of us look bad.

Tuesday night was just cruddy all the way around.......the stupid driver, I put a 1.5" welt on my arm by catching it on the sharp corner of my truck door, Elsie threw up on the bed, oh, here I am blah, blah, blahing. enough of that!  I did threaten to go hug the first truck driver or border patrol agent I could find though, lol.

Yuck dirty windshield, but cool Landy that I saw when I was leaving out this week at Jacksonville.


I think it's safe to say my running mojo has returned.  Monday found me getting up before my driving day started and tackling some hills on a road I'd never ran on before at Columbia, TN.  Absolutely beautiful and the weather was gorgeous. Cool and overcast, near perfect. I was even sorta fast considering the hills :-).  4.01 miles in 37:12.

Wednesday, I waited until we got to Von Ormy to run around the industrial park just west of the Love's.  I say we because James went out and ran with me.  We ended up talking about my hating running back over the summer when I was training for the Marine Corps Marathon (which is today, btw) and he said most of my running issues probably stemmed from our problems and now that we were reaching a resolution that's why things were better with my workouts. Insightful man.  4.31 miles in 45:19.

Thursday........lots of stuff around the house done but still tons more to do :-(.  And I was incredibly moody and grouchy.

Friday--5.05 miles in 46:52. Cold!!!!!!!!! My knees ached afterwards when they thawed out. Great run though.  Took some more stuff to the consignment store, all the crap I had hanging in there that didn't fit or I bought for who the hell knows why.  Did my civic duty and voted. Ate sushi & sashimi  :). Just a good day.

Saturday--cycling ride that went horribly :-(.  Well the first 33-34 miles were ok but after that the 2 week layoff and high winds took their toll, grrr. 56 miles in 3:42.  It was another cold morning, brrrr.  Wasn't quite sure how to dress but knew not to bundle up too much.  Wore a long sleeve tech shirt, the HHH jersey, and armwarmers up top, with a bandana around my neck, then just shorts and the Arky 100 socks that were a bit taller. Just wished I'd had knee warmers but after 10 miles I was good to go.  Everybody else overlayered, lol.

Afterwards, I stopped by one of my training partners house and evidently I looked kinda rough because his wife was offering to drive me the 2 miles home that I had left, lol.  It was slow going but I made it :), then got here and bitched about how awful the ride was for entirely too long.  Yes there was an ice bath, followed up by a 10 minute hot shower.  My legs and butt are incredibly sore today though :(.  Treated myself to an avocado salad and more sushi though!  Oh and mint Three Musketeers mini candy bars, yeah too many of them.

Sunday (today)--yesterday I ended up dozing off early then waking up and staying that way until nearly 4am.  Which would have been ok, but I can't stay asleep past 0800 usually, today I was awake at 0730.......so decided that I needed to run.....but was having a hard time finding any of my gear, lol.  Or even my coordination. Or a brain.......yeah took me a bit.  But my socks matched at least, unlike last weekend.  Although I did walk out the door in a short sleeve shirt and immediately turned back for a long sleeve one which ended up being a cycling jacket because I couldn't find a matching long sleeve tech shirt that wasn't packed away.  Got in 4.25 miles in 42:47, recovery run from yesterday.  Didn't I already mention I was sore, lol.

Almost ready!  This pic is very indicative of how long the process was to get ready this morning, lol

 

On the trail.  And I even coordinate :), just a mish mash of brands.

 The Trapiche Oak Case Malbec is my favorite, followed by the Alamos, both inexpensive too which is very nice.  The Pascual Toso, however, HORRIBLE!  3 sips and I poured it down the drain.

This porter was good though.  My favorite is still the java porter draft from the Hog Haus at Fayetteville.

my week in technicolor (somewhat)

Cool car, I40 Crowley's Ridge, AR

I wanna go play too!!! I65 TN

 An accident ahead?

Nope, just broke down in the middle of the intersection. Lewisburg, TN

In the crosshairs, I65, Tennessee

Slight delay in Jackson, TN on I40.  Some idiot threw their cigarette butt out the window, grrr

I40, Mississippi river bridge, earthquake reinforcement construction



I30 near Mabelvale, AR......cluster due to the incredibly inane left lane restrictions. 

photo finish?

I finally moseyed on over and purchased the photos from the Tupelo 14.2 miler that I ran back in September.  For once not too terribly bad :-)

Bamarunner & I out on the course. The "tattoo" on the ankle is a stickon, no ink there as of yet

This photo really doesn't show how bad I was feeling, thank goodness.

If you zoom in there's a squirrel in the middle of the drive

I used to drive one of these back in 2001-2002 when it was an Atlas Carriers truck.  Gotta love Peterbilts. I very much miss driving one and pulling parts into the Denton factory.



The local zedonk.......yes, it really is a zebra/donkey mix. Zoom in on the legs and check out the stripes.

Did y'all notice my new & improved header pic?  A friend took pity on me and fixed it since I'm quite hopeless with photo editing. Thank you again :-)

I might whinge......

and I do.........a lot.  But that's a tendency I'm trying to curb.  Honestly, receiving what may be the last email ever from a friend has a very sobering effect on a person. So yeah, past time for me to stop with the negativity and actually enjoy life.

With that note, the past 2 weeks I've been decluttering like crazy, making countless trips to the consignment store, trashing what can't be sold or given away in good conscience and a yard sale this morning to get rid of even more "STUFF".  What didn't sell was immediately hauled off by a friend for a charity of one of her friends, yay!!!!!!!!  All except the books, I'll take them to another charity next week.

Next week or so, I'm making the rounds to ASU-Beebe and UCA to gather up my transcripts and speak to somebody about actually finishing up my bachelor's degree with online courses or Saturday classes. If I switch to a business administration degree and they won't make me take any classes over (it has been 11-12 years since I was in college) I should be able to finish up fairly quickly. Not that I want an office job and I do enjoy what I'm currently doing but I very much want to have more options available to me in case I do decide to move away from trucking.  And let's face it, I'm a 41 year old woman with sleeved arms, I'm going to have to work extra hard to get hired by anybody.  No grumbles, it is what it is and I think I have enough references from very good friends that will help but no blinders on, it will be difficult.

My running mojo seems to be returning but I've not gone out for speed or distance, just shooting for 3ish miles 3-4 times a week.  It's a good thing I'm not going for speed though, I'm SLOW, lol!!!!!  But it does feel good kicking my day off with the nice little endorphin buzzies again.

Leaving y'all with a couple of vids from another desert island band pick, 12 Rounds. 
WARNING: these are not for the easily offended, there are graphic images!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So don't click on them at work or if there are kids around!!!!!!!!!

12 Rounds "Pleasant Smell/Business
12 Rounds "Holed"

Random movie night

Ok, I have a tendency to like quirky movies, especially foreign films (hey Canada counts as a foreign country!) and if they have a rock music theme, well so much the better.  This brings me to a movie I rented last night from Hastings--"Suck".  Oh yeah, there's also vampires :-))). This movie had me literally laughing out loud, very cool picking out the various iconic rock n roll images and I'm sure I missed quite a few.  Plus it starred Alice Cooper!!!!!!!!!!  Do you need any more reason to watch?

Belated and then some

Last Sunday was the Arky 100 at Sheridan, AR which marked the 3rd century in a row for me, 4th for the year total..........so why in the world would I want to do that? Great company and to say I could, lol........With the offer of transportation with the same group from the Memphis century, how in the world could I say no????????? 

I'm not necessarily feeling like a giant recap here but the morning started out cold!!!! Goosepimply, rode for 5 miles before warming up cold, then it was really pleasant, then it got really hot--as in 94F hot, yuck.  Shouldn't complain too much because the previous 2 weekends were nearly perfect weather-wise but it still took it's toll.  Gorgeous route, great roads for the most part, lots of rollers, hilly enough to make it challenging.  Too bad my feet especially the left one felt like they were on fire the last 27 miles.  Oh and the right knee I screwed up at Tupelo?  yeah it was twinging before we even started, grrrr.  I've since taken the entire week off from workouts to try and rest it up and let it heal because I was limping for the rest of the day.

So how'd it go?  Faster than the previous 2.....5:15 saddle time, just under 6 hours total.  Minimal time at most of the rest stops and I pretty much stuck myself to the wheel of Steve, T's husband who is also one of the fast guys who decided to hang with us slower riders, for the first 50-60 miles.  I finally learned from the previous 2 centuries to not pull the line so much, lol.  Several of our group were struggling a bit though and while I stayed back with Tim for a while after we started splintering off, I kept looking at my time and mileage and thinking I could beat the Big Dam Bridge time.  Felt bad about not slowing down with him but that time goal was entirely too tempting.  Met a local rider who allowed me to draft in with him to the 80something rest stop, introduced myself but he was wanting to hang out there longer than I was so took off solo......got passed by a group, tried to hang on but couldn't for more than a mile. Oddly there was one of them who I passed on the hill, when he caught up with me again a few miles later he explained that he had a busted cable so didn't have any low gears for the climbs, ouch!!!!!  Caught up with a couple more riders for the last 6 miles and they drafted off me for the rest of the ride......I was struggling though, my left foot was absolutely killing me and I kept having to unclip and flex the foot as much as possible. 

My new nickname is pink tape girl.....I'd wrapped my feet with pink KT Tape to try and help alleviate some of the foot pain (my plantar fasciitis is rearing its ugly head again, grrr) and I had several people ask what it was and how it worked so hopefully there will be a few more converts.

Afterwards, pizza and beer at Dam Goode Pies, mmmmmmmmmm.  Too bad we don't have another century lined up for this weekend, lol.

other photos

 Middle Tennessee scenery

Approaching the sinkhole on Hwy 46 in Tennessee going southbound

The sinkhole going northbound

Detour around the bridge damage on Hwy 46 near unincorporated Santa Fe Springs

Detour around Santa Fe Springs on a different day.  There's one sharp turn where the bumper of your truck drags the ground.  Very pretty road though

My hair in it's natural state, albeit better behaved than usual



LMAO!  Lola the truck is in the background

My usual work wear, soooo attractive.........Or not, lol

Austin, TX in the rain at rush hour

This guy was using his tanker as a giant tanning reflector. He'd stand that way for a few minutes then switch sides

Awesome place to eat at Canton, TX



Pic of my abs this morning.  Still a pudgy belly but there's definition showing in the upper part!!! That's not even a sucked in belly there.  2 weeks of the facebook ab challenge and results already, yay!!!

BDB & other photos

Worn down bar tape on Buffy after a hard summer of training

The new tough looking black bar tape, I like very much!!!

Cute trike at the bike shop

Back of the jersey

The 2 trains that held us up for 15 minutes, grrrr

The yellow stuff in the cup is pickle juice. Yes it really is!

Fat Tire draft post ride, mmmm

Bacon, cheese, scallion covered spicy fries with ranch dressing, post BDB meal